Going through it…

There is something to be learnt in the deepest valley of grief, change, transformation.

Solitude becomes virtue, conversations with others stimulate your own perspectives.

The constant reach out to others that can shed a light, rescue you from the deep dark valley become fundamental.

The disappointment when others are also in their own valleys, hearing your loud voice screaming, unable to rescue you for they themselves are in opposite valleys, becomes foundational.

In the moment you realise, no one is coming to rescue you. Not because no one is willing, but rather everyone is in their own valley with no pathway to get to your side.

Hope comes from slowly climbing up, one step at a time, with a song in the heart, chanting melodical melancholies that give you strength to focus on the song, never mind the climb, follow the rhythmic steps each line, hook and sinker stirs in the soul.

Before you know it, you reach the top and get out of the valley, singing out loud, not realising that those who were too far to reach your deep end heard music from a distance, started making way to the source of the beautiful rhythm filling their heartbeat, upon getting closer they saw the most marvellous dance.

Each twist and turn you made as you gripped the valley walls, zealously climbing out the valley mindlessly like it was nothing but a choreographed dance routine, inspired their climb out their valleys, rushing to come see what’s happening, where this music comes from.

“What is this song you play? Where did you learn this marvellous dance? How did you do it in this valley? Please can you show us how to do it and sing the song for us?”

Well, can I really show you how to do it if you are not in the valley yourself? Did I take notes on how to do it? Do you want to get into this deep pit of a valley just to learn a deadly dance with a very high risk of demise?

Such is the mystery of life.

Each experience builds strength that cannot be transferred to another for life is an individual experience.

Draw strength from all that surrounds you, see it for the lesson it brings and the resilience it builds.

Embrace the applause when you reach the sun, out of the deep dark valley, for it never shines 24 hours a day. Soon enough, sure enough, the sun will set and the moon will rise.

Surely it is normal to be in the middle of the darkest night and still be hopeful for sunrise.

Being a Hermit

Most times I find myself alone.

My best times are with myself.

Yet my world is surrounded by people.

People I love and cherish.

People who love me wholeheartedly as well.

People I make cameo appearances in their lives.

Whom we have shared best laughs and silent cries.

Who hold my heart dearly in theirs.

Whose hearts I hold dearly in mine.

Who appreciate even singular encounters that turned strangers into friends. Family. Lovers. Teachers. Learners. Acquaintances. Everything.

Being invited to share and be part of special moments is a daily.

Being able to honour every invitation is a rarity.

Today,

I accept that I cannot be all to all.

I cannot honour my most pressing need and not shatter another loved one’s hope or desire or plea.

Yet in all these needs, I honour the need to be myself wherever I land.

Coz I’m a hermit. We all are.

The first and last relationship, need, love I have is myself.

#KWAMday… Celebrating WINNING!

Where I was going…

Yeah I got caught up on Facebook as soon as I grabbed my phone to write this post. Typical behaviour, I got sidetracked and in the process a fire was lit up in my chest!

Then I remembered that, Facebook wasn’t the reason I had grabbed this phone at this hour to air my chest.

After all is said and done, the reason why I grabbed this phone is…

I am faced with a task to go face my past, my past love, or is it still current love? Well I don’t know any more but yeah I have to go to Joburg, tie up loose ends and put some matters to bed.

It’s hard pulling myself out of the bliss of where I am.

I look around and listen to the messages that birds sing in their chirp, the mountains that remind me there are distant places in my sight I cannot even begin to imagine ever reaching.

I look at the children playing mindlessly and remember what it was like when I could not see their play!

Deep sigh,

I pull myself out of my comfort, down the drink (last swallow) and decide that yes,

I will go ahead and face my past self.

My past world.

My love.

My foregone dream that came true but didn’t deliver the gold I had anticipated would be the reward.

Just like in the movies, right?

Right.

4 months in Mount Fletcher, what have I been up to?

I decided to relocate and this is a brief account of the first four months back home. https://www.instagram.com/tv/CLZMAphjo67/?igshid=1kih23qwt2bmf