I am Ncumisa Nomna Mbusi, welcome to my world of thoughts…
I love dreaming about all things possible in life, also overthinking problems and solutions to a myriad things in life.
I am an intuitive change coach with my heart on the sleeve, opening up my heart to air experiences and documenting these vivid imaginations, experiences and journeys through writing.
My journey is riddled with highs and lows, bests and worsts. This blog is made up of my authentic stories of showing up in the world, putting myself out there and living my best life.
It also features those who cross my path and pepper it with inspiration, wisdom, growth, friendship and love. I continue to write in this blog because I have found writing to be therapeutic to my mind that’s always on serious over-drive, thus freeing my soul to live a positive life, spiritually inclined to my core soul purpose.
I am sharing those writings with the world because… Why not? Maybe, just maybe, someone may resonate and get inspired, healed, motivated and understood. Or even just know that we are not alone in this world… perhaps positively change someone’s perspective on their reality.
Why? Because, positivity can be a cure to the world’s ills and problems….
I dared into my private blog roll and discovered ramblings of interesting read including this story, which I have kept in my treasure chest called WordPress for 8 years!
Today we air the chest and clear the air!
For we now know better,
we are more confident,
and we see clearly!
With SPIRIT EYES
The unconditional type of LOVE,
Did I really cry and pine over a heartbreak that long???
As above, so below
Ncumisa Nomna Mbusi – 07 May 2020
On the 3rd November, exactly 3 months today, I was told, “I don’t love you anymore”.
It was in the morning, I knew his mind and attention had been somewhere else for weeks, but I didn’t see it coming.
I thought to myself, “well, the honeymoon phase is waning he’s mourning that, we will be fine”.
No, we were far from being fine.
You might ask why I state that I didn’t see it coming, when things hadn’t been okay for a short while before that.
Well, the reason is simple and straight forward. It always is for all women.
I thought he will get over it, I thought I will not give him the satisfaction of leaving him because he was acting differently, because then he would walk away guilt free, move on and never look back, I would give him his ticket to freedom.
Yes we had our challenges, but I didn’t want him to leave!
He said it, and I was dumb struck.
I didn’t know what to do nor say.
The shock of this man’s guts!!!
We all know men don’t like being the bad cops hence they always play mind games until you figure it out yourself and make it official.
He was that brave, he told me, just like that, “I don’t love you anymore”.
After 3 months of begging, tears and stalking phone calls and numerous phone calls to my girlfriends, here I am, today, rocking the most daring hairstyle of my entire being, with a killer outfit, trembling and sweaty palms.
I’m supposed to be excited.
The hairstyle worked, I finally got them to notice me and ask for my phone numbers.
I needed them to notice me and ask for my phone numbers. Just so I wouldn’t have to think about him every passing moment of my time hoping and praying he calls, wondering if he will ever say “I was wrong”.
Learning happens one day at a time. Winning ideas spring up one moment at a time. Wisdom is ignited one conversation at a time. Legacies are created one experience at a time. Change happens one person at a time.
Perseverance, patience and openness to adventure are sure ways to acquire and achieve that which we seek.
What’s in our minds, hearts and soul is hidden from the earth if we dare not take a step towards adventure and bring it to life through conversations, affection and actions.
How can you ensure that you give gifts that matter to the recipient?
The key to spot-on gifts is knowing the person you will be gifting well. Their tastes and interests are a great cue for that. This applies to all kinds of gifts from birthdays, special occasions to random ‘I appreciate you’ gifts.
I personally am one for practical, thoughtful gifts that give the recipient something they need or have been hoping for; that will make an immediate impact in their lives.
Living gifts such as plants also are winners. They outlive their value by continuing to be reminders on a regular basis. Careful that the person being gifted with a house plant appreciates taking care of them. Some people may not appreciate plants that need to be cared for.
Journals can save the day if it’s an acquaintance or a colleague you’re buying a gift for. They are just the right kind of personal for the unfamiliar recipient and professionally relevant at work.
Experiential gifts are still winners in terms of creating lasting memories. Gifts such as a day of adventure or a pampering treat may not offer any tangible tokens to display and touch, but fill the heart with life and memories. No amount of money can replace great life experiences!
That being said, surprising daring gifts that propel a loved one to look at life differently also make great gifts. Do know though that they may not initially always be received with enthusiasm since they will push the envelope a bit.
If the gift is meaningful, it will always serve its purpose, even if it has been re-gifted to someone else by the person you had initially bought it for.
It is the thought and love that counts, the more genuine your sentiment, the more appreciated the gift will be, wherever it lands😊.
I am a rural girl, I grew up watching the sun set every afternoon. I used to sit on the stoep outside my aunt’s place. That position had the most perfect view, and as the sun descended it was headed towards my home Embusweni, where Mom was. Lord, no words can explain the feeling I […]
I’ve heard older women tell stories of gruesome experiences they’ve had with their partners and still chose to stay in their union. They proceed to tell about how they are so great together despite all the devilish experiences their partners put them through in the past.
This has always amazed me, how do you stick around and continue being committed to someone who is blatantly telling you to piss off with their words, actions and aura? How do you then turn around and love that person again after they are done pissing all over you?
Well my friend, they say growing up is the bitch and hell yeah they couldn’t be more right!
There comes a time when you meet the angelic saviour that does everything right, all the things you’d seen happen to others, happen to you. This angel loves you just right, exactly the way you wanna be loved. They take you home to meet their mama and papa, for a 30-something year old single mom with three kids who’d never experienced that kind of acceptance, doesn’t that just say “YES HE IS THE ONE”?
In these angelic chapters, all you pray about is gratitude for ever finally experiencing this love, for this partner just knows exactly what you need before you even utter a word, wipes your tears as you deal with life’s blows, and gently nudges you out of your comfort zone (read hiding corner) to start living life on the edge, be bold, live your heart out and break away from the same old boring routine you’ve known all your life.
He then continues to capture the hearts of not just your family and friends, but your children from previous relationships too! When they talk about him you see their tender faces glow up. When he calls they jump first competing to be the ones who receive the call. In every interaction he never forgets to ask about them, talk to them. When he gifts you he includes the whole entourage. Every conversation between you involves not just you but your beautiful offspring as well. Actually, they are not just your children, they are his and yours together!
Then almost like a witchy spell, things flip to the other side of the coin. And devilish times start creeping in.
Initially as you see the signs you keep telling yourself that you are being paranoid because of all the previous experiences. As you keep analysing the now questionable behaviours, you keep having to second guess your intuition. This person has won everyone over, and he is so smooth in his game, everyone points all fault and the tumbling times to you being paranoid.
Of course he never misses a step in his play around the entourage family and friends, wanting to maintain his image as the angelic saviour. But then again, every time you see this act you now know that there is a wolf underneath this sheepish angel presenting. The most difficult aspect is exposing the wolf side because honestly, every intuitive nudge is downplayed to paranoia by your sensible logical self and everyone else who only sees the good flip side of the coin.
Until one day, the wolf tail starts showing up, too long to hide under the sheep cover. All of a sudden the devil 👿 is out to play in full view of everyone, and damn, guess what, there’s another unsuspecting third party who’s now being given the angelic treat. It does take a while to register that oh okay we have now moved on to different versions of the same character.
At this point you’re not even sure who exactly you met and fell in love with. You get even more confused by the expose you have experienced, was it all play or was it ever genuine?
The great sweet nothings you whispered in each other’s ears in the middle of the night become matter of debate on whether there was ever any truth in them.
The nude videos and photos are still haunting you in your hard drive, should you delete them or keep as mementos? The fears about nudic public expose’ become a real matter to deliberate and make peace with. Given the devil facing you now, who knows where those could end up?
This is the point where I now wonder, is it ever possible to recover from such deceit, betrayal and manslaughter?
Is it really possible to ever overlook that at any point and continue to hold on to the promises made during the angelic times?
Is life really meant to take us to such depths of grief, betrayal and heartbreak for us to learn more about love?
I’ve heard people tell me about how I love unconditionally. I wonder if there ever is a limit to the unconditional aspect.
Nobody is perfect, but hell, the devil is just a bit too fiery to keep in the folds when the devil’s fire is blazing and threatens to burn the life out of my bliss.
Some people naturally adore blazing fires, for the fire is in their blood. They carelessly dance in it like it’s nothing, just like the naked woman dancing with a snake in the movie Dusk till Dawn.
I’m just earth, thriving on water to quench my thirst and oxygen to breathe life into my earthly body.
When the devil’s fire is rising, water is calming, abundant and healing, air cools off the heat.
I can’t ever imagine myself fried up in that fiery drama!
So it makes sense to grab that bucket full of water and put the fire out in an effort to save myself from hell. Then cool off in fresh breeze of open fields rolling across the vast open lands surrounding me.